NFL Playoffs

I took sometime off and believe me I have a bunch of upcoming material on Bromance, Momma's Boys, The City, and the overall holiday season. However, this will be an NFL post...sorry to my lady and non-sports watching gay readers.

For this season I ended up with a season of NFL picks against the spread of 131 - 120 - 4. 11 Games over .500...or basically one game worse than Simmons - who spends his days working at ESPN and picks games for a living.

The season ended and 4 coaches got fired...remarkably none of them named Wade Phillips. Did you see Romo during this game? There really was a chance he was going to cry wasn't there? Then during Romo's press conference he talks about this being just another loss. If I am a Cowboys fan (suck it Justin) I am nervous because my $60 million dollar franchise QB can't win in December, or the Playoffs, and doesn't seem real broken up about it. I thought at one point he might just break down and say "Look. It sucks to lose. But I can get chased around, beaten up, and listen to T.O. bash me all day long or I can go to Cabo with my very hot (yet talentless) girlfriend. You do the math."

As a Giants fan, it was difficult watching that game. You want to see the Cowboys choke their way out of the playoffs, but since the Bucs somehow could not beat the 4 win Raiders and the Bears couldn't find their way past the Texans, a win meant that the Eagles get into the playoffs. So you see my conflict. I need to go on record here for 2 things:

1. The unappreciative (i.e. typical) Eagles fans will regret the post McNabb era. You just will. If not for the Superbowl any Giants fan would trade the last 10 years with the success the Eagles had.

2. I am nervous for playoffs. The Phillies needed to win their games and needed a Mets collapse to get into the playoffs. Several fires and small rioting later, we saw a Phillies World Series. The Eagles needed the exact same things to happen...and they did.

If the Eagles somehow win this whole thing I will not be going to work for at least a week. Not because I will be wallowing in misery, but rather because it will take that long to return the city to working condition. Odds are Philly would look like Escape from New York or a scene from the Attica prison riots.

I love when the networks bring in some player or coach who didn't make the playoffs becuase I think they are bitter enough to give some great perspective. I wonder who they will have this year? Wait. Is that Matt Millen? As in the worst GM in football history? Matt Millen who went 24 - 72 as a GM and whose team went 0 - 16? What exact perspective will he have? Will he be able to say insightful things like how to make a bad 1st round pick, several years in a row.

Playoff Picks

Cards +1 over the Falcons
The Falcons are a great story, but you can't lay money on a rookie QB on the road. The best part of this game is that there is a really strong possibility that Vick is watching this game from prison. Do you think he is cheering for them? Like, he has friends on the team still. Right? The cards win this because they get to play the "we don't get no respect card" as well as the fact that you have Kurt Warner at QB. Kurt may not be great anymore, but the last time he had 2 stud receivers, her fared just fine.

Colts -1 over Chargers

Ravens -1 over Dolphins
I am violating my Rookie QB and "we get no respect" rule. The Fins have both going for them, but do you really think Chad is going to get be able to handle the Ravens Hell-acious defense? Joe Flacco just needs to impersonate Trent Dilfer this week and just not lose the game. Another note on this game. Chad Pennington won Comeback Player of the Year...again. This is not an award you should win twice. Basically it means that you sucked...then were good...then sucked again...then got good.

Vikings +2 over Eagles
How can you expect a win from the Vikings when their QB is Tavaris Jackson? That's like trying to win with Kerry Collins...oh wait.

Top 5 Songs I am Embarrassed to Like

We all have them. We all have songs when we secretly like. They are songs that when you are with your buddies you laugh them off, but if you were alone you would be belting out the words and dancing like a schoolgirl on TRL. Part of making this list resides in the fact that I am a Straight, Cuban, Puerto Rican man who should not really like any song performed by Jodeci, Justin Timberlake, Maroon 5, etc…and yet I do.

This list should not be confused with bad songs or one hit wonders. Bottom line is we ALL liked Ice Ice Baby – stop lying – but if it came on now, you wouldn’t still like it. You would be like “Damn the 90’s were crazy.”



These are songs that you would not only listen to over time, but occupy a spot on the Top 25 Most Played section of your iPod.

Closer – Ne-Yo
This has the potential of later falling into the one hit wonder category. I hear that baseline and all of a sudden I’m jammin’. Ne-Yo busts out that cane and I’m back in college, stomping the yard. This is a much longer story, but yes, I participated in several step shows in college…for my black fraternity. You are not reading any of that previous sentence incorrectly.

Any Song By The Fray
I hate hate hate hate hate hate Grey’s Anatomy. Mainly cause of Heigl, but also because of the dirth of annoyingly wanna be soulful music that it launched. Remember all the crappy music we had to endure because of Ally McBeal? All the annoying montage music that was intended to make you reflect on your own life? Because we all can identify with good looking lawyers or doctors. That’s what every song from Grey’s Anatomy is and The Fray is basically the poster child for this. Cue the music and watch attractive, rich, smart doctors reflect on how tough their lives are – boo friggin’ hoo. Just to be sure on my flight back from SF I listened to the 5 Fray songs I own. They all sound the same, all have the same message – yet I didn’t fast forward through one of them. I’m not proud people, I’m just honest.

Rock your Body – Justin Timberlake
I featured JT as a Top 5 Guys I want to be. I honestly am not embarrassed to like some of his songs...but this one is not one of them.

PYT - Michael Jackson
This one is perplexing, because in his day Michael was Michael…without the pedophilia charges. This is also one of the songs I had to choreograph for a step show in college…for my black fraternity. You are not reading any of that previous sentence incorrectly.

Overjoyed - Stevie Wonder
This is one of Stevie’s best songs and we are talking Stevie Wonder here. But, because of the words, the waterfall in the background, and overall sappiness I can say it’s embarrassing. Yet, I honestly hope one of my girls chooses this as the father of the bride song when they get married. As I listen to it on my flight I almost found myself signing it. I have no idea why?

And for the record, I actually can sing as evidenced by my portrayal as Tony in a camp production of West Side Story…once again...you are not reading any of that sentence incorrectly.

Top 5 Guy List Part – Athletes, Musicians, Geeks, and Guys with Money

I covered the Top 5 Guys I want to be by highlighting the Overall, Annoying and No Talent categories. In the meantime, I also started polling my female readers to get a women’s perspective on how their Top 5’s shake out. Obviously criteria such as money and the hot women they have slept with were not important to them. However, I did find some of these interesting enough to post.

The Red Head came up with an overall top 5 that includes:
Ed Norton – Hot Wife has always liked him and honestly my sense is that she could get him given the appropriate situation.
Any of the guys from Gossip Girl – I am not sure if that is good or bad. If you’re that interchangeable does that make you good looking or just identical?
Ryan Reynolds – Name me one – just one good thing this guy has been in? Yet he landed Scarlett Johansson.

Friend 22 submitted Jeff Probst as someone who should have made Top 5 no talent but sweet lifestyle category. How much mileage has this guy gotten out of his dopey line at tribal council? Let’s boil down his job. He travels to exotic lands, explains how to play a game, tells them the prize, asks some scripted questions around a camp fire and then snuffs out a flame. He doesn’t need to have any skill whatsoever. Hey Jeff, The tribe has spoken – you’re a lucky bastard.

Onto this week’s list Top Athletes, Musicians and Guys that need fame and money to get women.

Top 5 Athletes
The beauty of the athletes category is that you’ve got so much athletic talent that you can get an enormous amount of women while being a fairly ugly person…see exhibit A.



In another shining example, it was announced that Playboy Playmate Kendra Wilkinson is engaged to Hank Baskett. Unless you live in Philly or play Fantasy Football, you are no doubt going “who the hell is that?” Well, Hank would be the 3rd or 4th string receiver for the Eagles. He’s not a starter, he’s not that talented, he’s probably not in the top 70 receivers in football. Yet there he sits with a playboy playmate. Honestly, aside from a super bowl winning catch, can he make any better catch then that one?

Derek Jeter - 4 World Series rings for the NY Yankees. If you are an actual sports fan you appreciate the history of the game. Therefore you understand that with the exception of being on the 2004 Red Sox, there is no better place to win a World Series than for The Yankees. Jeter has done it 4 times.

Let’s also look at his lady batting average:
Mariah Carey – when she was sane. I think losing him is what made her crazy.
Lara Dutta
Scarlett Johansson
Vanessa Minnillo
Jessica Alba – Before she was annoying and had a kid
Gabrielle Union
Jordanna Brewster
Jessica Biel
Adianna Lima – she claims she is a virgin, but Jeter is too clutch. If she dated A-Rod I would believe it.

If you’re keeping score that 6 of the Maxims top 100…take that Tony Stark

No pregnancies, no engagements, no sticking with them through thick and thin, no causes, or speeches about Darfur. He’s a professional ladies man. Wouldn’t a Yankeeography on Jeter’s dating life be member would be incredibly compelling?

Michael Phelps - Historical records aside, swimmers aren’t really ladies men. You also only get to highlight your athletic ability to the world once every 4 years! That’s just not enough spotlight time to entice enough woman or make enough money. The ladies I polled all claimed that swimmers have great bodies. But then asked to name a swimmer NOT named Michael Phelps…silence ensues. Phelps defies all this. He’s goofy looking and in an obscure sport, but due to his 8 gold medals he has been linked to Lily Donaldson, Amanda Beard, and Carrie Underwood. He also landed a role in those Guitar Hero commercials with A-Hole, Kobe the Rapist, and Tony Hawk. Looks like all those early morning drives to the pool are finally paying off.

Quick comment on Tony Hawk. Is there a man not more defined by what he does for a living then he? Think about it. Every commercial or appearance he has to wear that skateboard helmet. It’s as that is the only way we would ever recognize him. Seriously. He’s a pioneer who gave birth the the X-games and he can only be recognized wearing a helmet that makes him look like he needs to be riding the short bus.

Lebron - Once he lands in a real market his exposure will be insane. There are rumors that Nike is already offering $50 million once he signs with NY of LA. He actually is living up to being “the next MJ”, singlehandedly got his crappy team to the NBA Finals, and is only 24 years old.

Christiano Ronaldo – These guys are like Rockstars over there. People legitimately get killed at Futbol matches. Like it’s totally an accepted risk. So imagine Beckham, but 10 years younger, speaking Spanish and Portuguese, and no annoying wife and kids. He also had the stones to refuse to take a picture with Lauren Conrad – which is clearly the first time she has ever heard the word no aside from the question being “are you smart?” Oh yeah, he also has dated Maria Beatriz Anthony and Nereida Gallardo.

Floyd Mayweather Jr. – Boxers may not be the smartest guys in the world or the best with handling their money, but there is something about knowing that you can beat up anybody in the room at any given moment that is appealing to me. He’s makes about 20 million a fight and is so good that his craft that his face doesn’t look like a weathered punching bag. The other thing about Mayweather is that he doesn’t ever duck a fight.

Top 5 Musicians
This is one of those times when you lose points by association. I’ve liked that Gavin Rossdale guy since he was in Bush. But would you really want to live a life with Gwen Stefani?

Jay-Z – Sure he is married…but to Beyonce. He’s not much to look at, but insanely talented and worth a ton of dough. He’s no one-hit wonder and The Blueprint remains one of the greatest albums of all-time. Any rapper that can run the line “arroz con pollo, fresh fries, and crepes, an appetite for destruction, but I scrape the plate” is just genius.

L.L. Cool J – The arms. It’s not just the arms but does anyone realize that LL has been around since like 1980 and still makes hits?

Bon Jovi – The man controls the entire female population of the state of New Jersey.

Kid Rock – Between hanging out with Pam Anderson and Joe C. you know he has great stories.

Top 5 Guys who would never have sex without their fame

David Spade – Do you know how man playmates he has been with? Way too many for a guy who is 5 foot 2.

Billy Bob Thornton - Pretty good actor, but is getting women way above his pay grade.

Kevin James – He is funny…but he weighs 400 lbs. He is now happily married to a model…a model. This proves that having a funny personality matters. I wonder if she really was a model or just lost a ton of weight from not being able to eat as fast as him. Even his TV wife was hot.

Seth Rogen – Let me be clear – I like Seth Rogen and his movies. I just don’t think that he gets anywhere near the quality of women without that million dollar movie payday.

Mark Zuckerberg – creates facebook as a way to check out hot chicks at colleges and parlays that into a ba-gillion dollars. This proves that the greatest inventions of our time in the pursuit of getting women. Don’t you think that if solving the economic crisis came with some fame and an increase in your ability to get hot women, that it would’ve been solved by now?